Painful PAIN

After many surveys of the (my) self....I feel like a big pathetic loser!
THOSE wannabe hopeful romantics...

THOSE girls who are made fun of in our dysfunctional abode.
THOSE girls like baby brothers friends who are his friends because they want him-in any form.
THOSE girls who know no love besides the arranged match-because they have been arranged.

Im pretty sure all THOSE think of me the same way and call me THOSE:-{

UNFORTUNATELY though-I have to hear all the spinster virginal comments and not say anything-If ONLY you knew ASSSSHOLE!

Irony about the pain -Though-it SUCKS that whatever crosses/engulfs my mind is mirrored in his conversation BUT I CANNOT SPEAK UP!

Even if he cant respect me or be fond of me as friend-I'd rather the non stop absence than the pity that I'm sensing from 'growing hotter by the day'! Like I dont want him to speak in that horrendously unnatural tone because he's trying to be sensitivish-or whatever.

PLUS I'm sure y'all know that even for a humorous person like me how HARD it is to deal with jokes when that beating muscle is involved.... CHOOT is like a freaking cigarette... slowly creeps up on you-you keep saying its not a problem till you're IN TOO DEEP...
when you dont realise you like someone SO MUCH till they disappear or get a life.

I have never found it so hard to deal with such emotions. I have never been driven to the extremes that I have been driven to. No OTHER person has ever impacted me like this before and I know better than to think it means something because I know Im the ONLY one it means anything to-AND THATS WHAT HURTS.

Speaking of which dont we all just LUUURV pain?