Champness NOT

Dumped!

It's all BBC, but it happened!

I am forcing man to chill with friends.
I feel so happy at first...then I hate it.
I will stop:-(

HOW & WHY!?!

I was utopic. EVERYTHING was perfect. Machine-like, controlled but with pleasant surprises.
BOTH wanted, desired, experimented. Risked. Got caught, carried on.

Felt HOT, smelled HOT, looked HOT. WERE HOT.

...AND THEN it all fell apart. ONE night, after the perfect day.

Resuming is impossible. It is not just the cause for the tumble, but everything associated to it.
The way parts fell apart. The way parts were gathered, or not gathered at all.
Doing my duty and then waiting and waiting.

DISCOVERING the REAL impression he had of me before the magic started.
The awkwardness of WAY PRIOR KNOWLEDGE of my feelings for him.
Even though I feel it, it doesn't change that what was a gradual discovery for him was IN MY FACE way before. How he KNEW that it was IN MY FACE from before and never let on.

I don't think he likes me.

I think it was orchestrated by everyone around him, me, our friends and his own time & space in life. I don't want to make an effort anymore. It's only been 3 months.

The most important thing I have discovered about myself is that I hurt easy. No Xena-ness.

What about the pieces that are being ignored?

I wish we chilled.